Shadow "Buddy" Wegener 1993-2005

This past week has been one of rollercoasters. I faced a new mountain in life and somehow overcame it. I climbed that damn thing, and now I'm falling down the other side. I put my dog down. My parents had been badgering me about my dog for quite some time now. I can't go into too much detail without exploiting the evils of my family life, but there are some devils that I will not release. To be honest, I am still in shock. I still don't believe that he's gone, and I still don't believe that I was the one who did it, so I will one day have to accept it. I carried his collar around in my pocket for a couple of days. I guess it might be weird, but at the same time, it was comforting. All that's left is to sprinkle his ashes up at the cabin. I'm definitely a strange one when it comes to death. I usually just accept that the person or pet is gone and in a better place, and it brings me peace. I do mourn them, but I only cry a couple of times. I shed as few tears as I can, because I think their life should be celebrated. Of course you want them there by your side and you miss them, but that cannot be. To stay true to my feelings, I will give you a brief glimpse of Shadow's life.

Back in the year 1993, there was a boy's weekend at my cabin that consisted of Cas, my father, and myself. During our weekend of fun, my father informed Cas and I that there were some free puppies at the local watering hole. We wanted to see them, so the three of us went up to the bar. When we got there, we learned that there were five puppies in all, three females, who were all taken, and two males, which faced death if no one adopted them. The puppies were left on the bar owner's doorstep the previous night. Cas and I, being the animal lovers that we were, couldn't let them kill the puppies, and we were the only two there, so if we didn't take them, they would be euthanized (by gun, unfortunately). Somehow, probably by the will of God, we were able to convince my father to take the puppies. I still don't know why or how he let Chuck take one. I don't remember if we carried the dogs home, or if we rode in the back of the wagon, but they had names by the time we returned to the cabin. Cas named his Midnight, and I named mine Shadow due to the blast of white hair that resembled a man on his chest, and to which the rest of his black fur referred to. Midnight and Shadow grew up together and many years later Midnight had to go to the Humane Society for undisclosed reasons. Cas's family couldn't bear to see him go, so they went to retrieve him the next day, and another family already took him. For years, when Shadow got away from my family, he would always show up at Cas's house looking for his brother. Shadow loved the cabin and especially the lake. As soon as he was up north, he went immediately from his kennel to the lake, and wouldn't come out until it was dark, or he was exhausted. I learned from my friend E today that black labs are most always psychotic. I say this, because our family has always thought Shadow was a silly, crazy dog. I will share of his many special qualities: he would push his food bowl around (every single day of his life!) with his snout to the point of making it bleed (bleeding happened rarely), when he was in the lake, he would go deep enough to where his waist would be submerged if standing on his hind legs, and he would then stand and slap the water for hours with his front paws, plastic bottles where always his favorite toys, except maybe tennis/hand balls, a love he inherited from our other dog, Buffy. He loved to run, so when my dad and I walked him, he was never on a leash. When I was a sophomore in college, he acquired diabetes. I cried because I thought there was no way that my parents would let me keep him if he had such a terrible disease due to the expenses involved. I was fortunate to have him around for 3 more years.

When I wrote the first paragraph of this post, I was still quite upset from the shock. Because he was my dog, I probably would have waited too long before putting him down, and although he still looked young and lively, I have to stubbornly agree that my parents were right to have me put him down. His quality of life was nowhere near that of his younger days. He couldn't see except through his peripheral vision due to his cataracts, he didn't run or walk at all anymore, and if we took him on a walk, he would be pretty tired from just going down the block and back versus in the past when he would fun for hours on his walks. He was getting bad arthritis and had difficulty climbing stairs, and probably worst of all, he couldn't go in the lake he loved so much because he would get lost due to his poor sight and get scared, until we called him back to shore. Putting him down was he hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had Cas and non-g/f with me, which helped immensely, so thanks guys. I probably would have driven into a wall or something stupid if I had to do it all myself. I really miss him, and I want to pet him, but I know I'll never have that chance again. The next time I return to my parents will be extremely difficult because he won't be there when I get there. I guess being away from home has made it easier to deal with so far...

Here's to you, buddy! I'll see you on the other side! I hope I was a good master!

P-Wagz

Dreamscapes II

These were dreams I had long ago and typed them somewhere on my computer. I finally got around to posting them.

In the beginning of the first dream, Cas and myself were in a fight in some large stadium, but we were in the audience section. People were around us on looking. I ended up kicking him in the gonads pretty hard a few times, and he punched me a bunch of times. We almost ended our friendship - there was a lot of yelling and screaming at one another, but after a while we started talking and reconciled. Then we were suddenly driving to some northern part of the state! [Why do my dreams always end up with me and/or others going up north??]

In another dream ,H, a girl from my physics class was at some other weird college. Apparently Moo, one of my supervisors, somehow knew here and was asking me about it. I was also attending this strange college that seemed to be a one building college consisting of a mix of Folwell Hall and some place fabricated.
D, my other supervisor at my fungus job, was asking me to find a Minnesota Prof's phone number, who's office was on the second floor of this building. As I was looking around for him, people were watching Tiny Toons in class. Oh, what would I give to do that in college!

Next dream. Cas and I were on a bus that flew over this huge pool and stopped about 30 feet above it. The pool was a giant cylinder from what I could make of it. Bottomless and roughly the size of two Olympic sized pools if they were to make a cross and the circumference was made from that. We were attending a swimming class. There were girls that we were hitting on. I think this is reminiscent of the days at Cas's camper where we would hang out at the clubhouse's pool and sometimes meet chicks. All of a sudden I remember having a guitar and we were all in this low-ceiling room having guitar lessons. We were singing and playing and it was awesome. The next thing I know I was in Chicago or some big city, I was gay and someone had taken my guitar and I had to get it back. I remember being extremely flamboyant in this part; funny stuff.

Finally Ms. V, from work, was getting married and the non-g/f and I were the last to accept it. We were sitting in an unmarked white van with her, her groom, and the best man. Non-g/f and I were wearing normal clothes and they were all wearing wedding "gear". The pastor's voice was echoing from somewhere unknown, but it was as if we were all at the altar. The pastor was asking if we accepted this marriage. Neither of us wanted her to get married, so when they all looked at me, I said no, and then glanced at non-g/f. She was sitting in the driver's seat, and immediately hit the gas and we were off to steal the bride and a portion of her wedding party! She drove down a dirt road then onto pavement, finally taking a left off of a road that lay on rolling hills and onto a cold winter mountain range road. We drove a while to get to the base of the mountains. On surveying the land, it was similar to that of Batman Begins, when he's picking that rare flower and there are posts with characters written on them in the snow and the wind is billowing harshly. She continued driving even when we reached the base of the mountain, apparently determined to escape with Sarah as a free woman. After a while we had to get out and start climbing the mountain (in the dream, I never questioned why Sarah, the groom, and the best man, dressed in wedding garments - denoting their willingness to spend the rest of their lives together - would follow us to avoid the wedding; it all made sense to me). We climbed until we saw two large boards above us spanning across a chasm to separate the two bluffs. Once we reached the small summit, there was a diet clear cherry Pepsi (from the mid 90's I think they were) on one of the small cylindrical ice monoliths protruding from below that the board spanned. There was also another one near the main mountain hidden in the snow. I picked it up, it was open, and I started drinking it thinking to myself that it could be contaminated. The song, "Cry", by Mandy Moore was playing from somewhere, and then I woke up.

Onward ho! In this dream, I was playing guitar for the band Lit, but it was in someone's bedroom, not a studio, and I was their new guitar player; the band didn't look like Lit though. I was messing around on the guitar the whole time because I didn't know how to play any of their songs, and the band was blaming the bassist. We stopped practicing and the rest of the band packed up. I stayed there playing around on guitar while some friend of mine talked with me. He said that Stacy Boffencamp and some others were on their way to hear the band and me play. I started to worry because I wasn't any good at guitar. When they arrived, I started playing some riff and then whipped out this kicking solo. The next thing I know, I'm holding my sax and the bedroom slowly stretches out and morphs into my old elementary school gymnasium. As I play the room stretches and shifts I play my signature piece, "In the Mood". Suddenly Stacy and some people rush in and the whole gym is suddenly filled with people. In the Mood continues to play without my help on sax, from some recording and I only fill in the solos. After the song plays awhile, I sit in a chair that appeared nearby as the room expanded. I realize that this is S.P.'s, a friend from high school, family/class reunion. He walks over to me, describes some hat that he has, pulls it out, and puts it on his head. The hat is a huge green Leprechaun hat with green clovers that sparkle. It somehow covered the wearer’s entire body when worn; said a fact in my brain. After talking to me, he had to give a little speech for the occasion, and so he walked over to a podium set out by the expanding room. After the speech everyone applauded, stood up and started to file out. I meet up with him again, hugged him, and asked him where he's been - Puerto Rico - is his reply. He was living on the east coast and that's where he picked up the leprechaun hat. I remember reading a plaque that resembled someone out of the Harry Potter book series, and bore the name of a great African American hero that Shannon was related to.

P-Wagz

Otis - Farewell My Friend

Yesterday marked the day of the departure of my little buddy Otis. He's a hamster that my non-g/f and I have had for the past year and a half. He was a little over two years old (we guessed, because he was born 3 months before we got him), so he was a geriatric ham. He was diagnosed with Cushing's Syndrome a few months ago. Cushing's Syndrome is a immunodeficient (don't quote me on that) disease that usually will kill the hamster. It causes a build-up of cortisol in the body, as well as an enlargement of the liver. It's a mammalian disease so we can get it too. What happens is that there are mites that live on the skin of mammals (including humans) that are harmless unless they get out of control. When the hamster acquires this disease (a common disease in hamsters [unfortunately, many online sources don't list this disease as a common ailient in hamsters) the mites are no longer checked by the immune system and grow in numbers. These little mites will cause skin irritation, and the hamster will scratch him/herself to the point of breaking the skin. They usually develop scars, and this is when we took him in a few months ago and learned all of this. Since then, he's been on antibiotics to help heal his scars and another medication that will control the mites. He was on the road to recovery as far as we knew. It's kind of crazy how fast it all was. One day he was there moving around and eating, the next gone. This is the first animal death in my life where my pet passed away peacefully in their sleep. It's sort of weird, because fish can't die anywhere, but in their tanks, unless they escape, so I guess I'm used to that. For terrestrial animals, like dogs, I'm used to putting them to sleep. It's really something to find your pet just lying there unmoving and not breathing. I still feel like he's at home in his cage, even though I personally buried him this morning. Rest in peace little guy. I know you are somewhere running in that big wheel in the sky!

P-Wagz