The Stigma of Gh'awd

Being a spiritual person is difficult for me. Words like "prayer" or "God" have religiously loaded meanings that I don't want to associate with. I have a hard time saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, because it's an abreviated form of "God bless you". I prefer the old German term "Gesundheit" for good health, although upon wiki-ing this term, it also is tied to God bless you. Argh! I can't escape religion!

When I talk of god, I like to refer to woman. I'm not trying to piss people off or to fight the system (at least I can claim it consciously), I just want to use something without the stigma.

Do I pray? Yes, but not very often. This is hard for me as well, because I used to pray as a Christian, and when I pray as not a Christian, it feels awkward and wrong. To remedy this, I've begun sending energy. Instead of talking to god in prayer, I send energy and good vibes to people around me, or to others I'm thinking about. It may sound hokey, but to me, so does talking to god in your head with your hands together. I try to be careful though, because when I get angry, and don't want to accidentally send off some of that to others.

Adam & Eve

I really can't get over the fact that the Bible has endured for as long as it has. It makes me ponder every statement I've ever heard about people needing government, and how we would rather live in the dark and have a trouble free life than know the truth and have to think for ourselves and toil a bit. Why don't people let go of these notions? Is it because they find great worth in the Bible? Why do not people ask, "How cam a woman be created from the rib of man?", but be satisfied with just that? Aren't people curious? Or do we live in a world where life is made so easy and comfortable by technology and we don't want to think about it? Are we being trained into ignorance?

I believe in an incomprehensible god. Pulling the rib from a man doesn't make much sense to me, but it could have happened, I suppose; I doubt it though. As science finds answers to all things life, I always find it amusing how complicated things really are. Even the Big Bang Theory isn't sound to me. All matter was condensed into one area that is hot and pressurized, leading to rapid expansion and release? What was before that? All of a sudden, everything just was? It doesn't make sense - it's incomprehensible. Does this mean I'm a creationist? Yes! Just not your Christian stigmatized version of it.

I've said before in one of my posts that I think the Bible is a good thing. It teaches morals, among many other things, but it's ancient. Written at a time when world thought was speculation and not scientifically backed. God lives in a kingdom? Even though people claim it's metaphorical, the Bible does describe things contemporary to the times it was written, when kingdoms existed and kings ruled the world. If I claim the Bible no longer represents us because it was written too long ago because of words like "kingdom", someone would tell me to envision it metaphorically. I think the the morals of the Bible are good, but the book itself no longer exemplifies appropriate meaning to us today. I don't think the Bible can be rewritten, so how do you keep the morals without the book?

Does science answer everything? No, and it never will. I believe we will never fully understand this universe - ever! In fact, as a scientist, I'm not completely on track with the current theory of evolution. It seems too simplified to me. If you've ever taken a biology class or biochemistry class or any science class for that matter, you know that chemical, biological, and physical happenings are not easy. A cell consumed another cell for food, but the the prey survived and somehow that became the chloroplast? I understand mutations, but that mutation to survive within your predator seems quite a jump for a simple cell in ancient times.

What if we could know the origins of life and the universe? The prospect fills me with wonder!

'Tis Difficult Sah

My grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's and dementia. She is in an assisted living home right now and I go as regularly as I can to see her on the weekends and usually just sit with her. She's not very lucid anymore, but she does ask interesting questions somewhat randomly. I ponder what she thinks about, because I know her mind is moving a mile a minute. Sometimes, I see tears in her eyes, and I think maybe she can't remember something or something escapes her too quickly.

This past weekend, she asked me who I was there to see. This didn't destroy me, like it could have. I've been prepared for some time for this question to come up; actually I just assumed she didn't really know who I was a long time ago, but I've never had confirmation such as this. It's not as easy to swallow as I would like, but I'm doing ok. I told her who I was, and we watched the Steelers destroy the Chargers.

It's unbelievable how powerful memory is. Before my grandma was even diagnosed, I have feared this disease like the plague. It's part of the reason I have a blog. Someday if I come down with this detriment hopefully, I can look back at this as a portal to the past if I want.

Keep learning things, that's what you are supposed to do. Albert Einstein had Alzheimer's, but because he continued learning his whole life, the departing neurons were replaced by new ones. It's funny how indestructible man believes he is, when we can be done in even by our own bodies.