The Stigma of Gh'awd

Being a spiritual person is difficult for me. Words like "prayer" or "God" have religiously loaded meanings that I don't want to associate with. I have a hard time saying "bless you" when someone sneezes, because it's an abreviated form of "God bless you". I prefer the old German term "Gesundheit" for good health, although upon wiki-ing this term, it also is tied to God bless you. Argh! I can't escape religion!

When I talk of god, I like to refer to woman. I'm not trying to piss people off or to fight the system (at least I can claim it consciously), I just want to use something without the stigma.

Do I pray? Yes, but not very often. This is hard for me as well, because I used to pray as a Christian, and when I pray as not a Christian, it feels awkward and wrong. To remedy this, I've begun sending energy. Instead of talking to god in prayer, I send energy and good vibes to people around me, or to others I'm thinking about. It may sound hokey, but to me, so does talking to god in your head with your hands together. I try to be careful though, because when I get angry, and don't want to accidentally send off some of that to others.

Why I Don't Like Benches

Why don't I like benches?

My girlfriend and I have been approached on at least two separate occasions by males spreading their word of God the few times we've sat on a bench together. The first time was many years ago on a bench at the Mall of America. This guy about our age just appears, I swear with a light puff of smoke, in front of us.

"Can I tell you about my friend, you may have heard of him?"

Me (happy to oblige): Sure.

"His name is Jesus, blah blah blah, etc."

After his schpiel, I told him that I used to be Christian, but that I no longer believe in those ideals. He didn't push anything and we ended our conversation.

The next incident happened in the tiny college hamlet of Dinkytown. Again, with my girlfriend on a bench between Peik and Folwell Halls, in the "Knoll Area", where barefooted hippies play frisbee and practice disc golf (I love disc golf). The hacky sack rounds perpetuate this area as well. Anyway...a Morman approaches us this time. Well, he doesn't approach us, he walks past us with his friend, then after thinking better of the situation (we were literally just asking to be pounced on), he turns around and says to himself, "Oh yeah!" The he looks coyishly at us and says something about the humor of remembering you have forgotten something. Then, he awkwardly breaks into the God conversation, rendering the lesson I learned above, utterly useless. I couldn't even say, "Not interested." I don't really remember all of what he said, but all I could think of was, Do I look like a polygamist? I mean, I'm sitting here with one girl and you are going to ask me to become some sort of orthodox Morman?! I could only imagine what my girl was thinking. I had to bat this guy away a little because he kept coming, but eventually he bowed out. This particular guy was very obviously socially awkward. I think I would have had a hard time speaking with this gentleman about anything.

I don't like benches, is because I always have looked at the bench as an ideal place to hold a loved one and gaze at the world around us. Now when I see a bench, all I can see is an opportunity to be hassled about zealots. Look, I understand that you are to spread the word of God to people, but don't do it to just any random person, do it after you get to know them a little, ice breaking shouldn't be done with the cross. God shouldn't be the first thing out of your mouth to a complete stranger, because if they haven't heard the word of God or don't know what you are talking about, you are going to make them feel really uneasy, even if you are showing the love and joy of knowing Him on your face.