J is for Bachelor Party
Written 7/8/2005 & 7/19/2005
Greetings from Never Never Land! I just finished reading "the Code", so I'll probably post one of those controversial rantings that my blog hints at, but never seems to supply. Wow, it's been a while, and although only a week or two, I feel like I've been away from this posting business for a long time. I've got lots to tell you about, I really do!
A long time ago, back near the end of May, my friend J held a bachelor party, well his best man did for him anyway, and it just so happened that yours truly attended. J is a guy I met back in high school, he's quite the character and if you know who he is, you'll never forget him. He played the tuba, and was one of the star wrestlers of our humble team. He was the bassist in my band with Blue Pumpkin, so I consider him a good friend of mine.
I'll share a little story with you all. Back many years ago, Blue, J, and myself were having a gay ol' time in his grandmother's basement (where he lived at the time) drinking straight shots of Absolut and farting around. We collectively decided that we were "rumbley in our tumblies" and chose pizza as our food of choice. This brilliant decision came one half hour before all of the pizza places closed. After we spent quite a large chunk of time deciding what toppings and which franchise we desired, we made the call, only to realize after the order was placed that we needed monies of some sort in exchange for the goods and service of delivery. J got up and grabbed his change jar. We counted out what we needed and laughed our future delivery driver's misfortune (we are the people that pizza delivery guys hate, or least tell stories about [trust me, I worked in the business]) of having to count it all out in nickels and dimes. The time came for us to pay up, so J, Blue, and I walked upstairs and outside, making sure not to wake his grandma. J wasn't wearing a shirt, for whatever reason, and, if my memory serves me right, he was in his boxer shorts (yeah, we were pretty messed up). As the delivery guy pulls up, J takes off running with the change. Now put yourself in the delivery guy's shoes. A large gentleman (J is probably 6 feet and is well rounded) in his boxer shorts grasping a large jar of change comes running at your car. He jumps, slides across your hood, barely recovering on the landing and hands you thirteen some dollars in change. Blue and I are standing in his grandmother's driving doing our best not to laugh hysterically and wake the whole neighborhood up, while J is convincing out poor driver that he didn't have to count it because we wouldn't rip him off. If I recall, I don't think we had enough to tip him very well. Maybe less than a dollar? At least he had a great story to tell his coworkers!
J's bachelor party was held in a neighboring city to the one my parents reside in (vague?). It was at our friend Adam's house, a friend from h.s. who I haven't seen since h.s. When I arrived, Chase, his best man, Sean, Andy, J's cousin, J, and a few others were grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. It was a nice little party. There was a keg with some light beer and a cooler that contained Southern Comfort, Jagermeister, and some vodka in it. I spent the next couple of hours catching up with old friends. Whenever J did something stupid, or even if we just felt like it, we would make him take a shot. Usually someone did one with him. Before I was even drunk, I was trying to open the Southern Comfort, and ended up dropping the whole bottle. I relived a moment when my friends were fighting one drunken night, and I got so emotional and upset, I took an unopened bottle of Wild Turkey from my trunk and just smashed it in the street, screaming at my friends that I would never drink again - at 3 in the morning, in a quiet neighborhood. As I stare at the garage floor and the shards of what was once a full bottle of booze, everyone was hooting and yelling at me. I actually drank what remained in the surviving bottom of the bottle as punishment for alcohol abuse (unbelievable!). One of our friends told me a few moments later that he thought Chase was going to punch me in the face. It was all in good fun though and we had a good laugh. I insisted to buy another bottle as repayment for my folly, so someone drove me to the liquor store and I did just that. As the day went on, there were stories (such as the one above, which I shared with everyone there) and drinking and good times. Adam has a very nice house which he lets to another friend, Brian. At one point we offered the neighbor a beer, and we all cheered like a pack of crazed football fans as he drank it. A few more people came near the time I had to leave the first time - another Andy, Jim, some others - but as it were, I was watching my dog that weekend, so I had to leave to give him his insulin shot. At the time I was unsure if I were to return, so I left them with the pessimistic, "see you around sometime". Just a note in case you were wondering, I didn't drive drunk, it's something I wouldn't do. By the time I left the alcohol was out of my system. I heard that some women were going to be there later, so I asked the non-g/f if she wanted to come, assuming that the bachelor party was dissolving into a regular party. She did, so after about 3-4 hours, I returned with her. When I arrived, Jena, Erika, Marin, & Alex (Scooby), along with all the other people who were previously present, were there.
I introduced the non-g/f to everyone, including Jena who asked me if I was still dating "that girl", to which I replied by saying that this was that girl. Fun times! At this point some of the people were a little tipsy, including J. He continuously asked me to play the acoustic guitar that was layed out by the stair entrance to Adam's house, but I really can't play entire songs, so I played chunks of stuff I knew. Scooby, who I didn't know could play took over and played some Silverchair, Sublime, Incubus, etc., and he was quite good (admittantly, better than I). We all sat around and talked, watched some of those stupid/funny internet movies until someone brought up the idea (I think it was J) to go to the nuddie bar. J wanted to go because it was his bachelor party and that was the promise he made his best man keep (he had a whole month left of bachelorhood to go after this evening). The question skipped across the party and eventually a small crowd gathered to attend. I tagged along mostly because I was one of three to four sober people and there wasn't enough car space for all the people that wanted to go in the two other cars.
Jim, Jena, non-g/f, and I all drove to the Choice (chosen by the man of the hour himself). During the trip I learned some pretty interesting things about my old high school buddies. Due to the potential embarrassment following the leak of that information, I'm going to just leave it at that. We parked and waited for the rest of the crowd, who left well before we did (but somehow, we beat them there). As we all were walking, Jena and I were talking about some things. I learned that she had a crush on me in high school, which would have been nice to know at the time, since I had a huge crush on her at the time, which I told her. We all scooted along and arrived at The Choice. The next series of events were quite bizarre (I guess is the best word to use). Jena and non-g/f were excited, Jena, more notably, because they were being devirginized, for lack of better word, to the club.
In a few minutes, I found myself sitting at the stage with some people whom I won't name specifically, and we were all giving the stripper dollars, a most bizarre feeling, I'll tell you. I have to say that that was quite the experience, due to the fact that I haven't seen some of these people in over 3 years and now I'm sitting at a stripe club stage with them...We all stayed there for an hour or so. J got his fill on his last month of bachelorhood. The strippers really liked Jena. It was hilarious, they kept trying to make her take her shirt off, but she wouldn't do it. We all laughed and pointed.
After the club, we were returning to Adam's when the street I wanted to take in downtown was barracaded off by the police. The site in front of me was amazing, there were people everywhere on the street, hundreds of them, for some event. After getting a little lost and watching two gangs of gangstas in cars swerve in and out of traffic and run multiple red lights to chase each other, we arrived at Adam's place. Non-g/f and I chatted a while longer, then said our goodbye's and left for the evening.
That's all folks,
P-Wagz
Greetings from Never Never Land! I just finished reading "the Code", so I'll probably post one of those controversial rantings that my blog hints at, but never seems to supply. Wow, it's been a while, and although only a week or two, I feel like I've been away from this posting business for a long time. I've got lots to tell you about, I really do!
A long time ago, back near the end of May, my friend J held a bachelor party, well his best man did for him anyway, and it just so happened that yours truly attended. J is a guy I met back in high school, he's quite the character and if you know who he is, you'll never forget him. He played the tuba, and was one of the star wrestlers of our humble team. He was the bassist in my band with Blue Pumpkin, so I consider him a good friend of mine.
I'll share a little story with you all. Back many years ago, Blue, J, and myself were having a gay ol' time in his grandmother's basement (where he lived at the time) drinking straight shots of Absolut and farting around. We collectively decided that we were "rumbley in our tumblies" and chose pizza as our food of choice. This brilliant decision came one half hour before all of the pizza places closed. After we spent quite a large chunk of time deciding what toppings and which franchise we desired, we made the call, only to realize after the order was placed that we needed monies of some sort in exchange for the goods and service of delivery. J got up and grabbed his change jar. We counted out what we needed and laughed our future delivery driver's misfortune (we are the people that pizza delivery guys hate, or least tell stories about [trust me, I worked in the business]) of having to count it all out in nickels and dimes. The time came for us to pay up, so J, Blue, and I walked upstairs and outside, making sure not to wake his grandma. J wasn't wearing a shirt, for whatever reason, and, if my memory serves me right, he was in his boxer shorts (yeah, we were pretty messed up). As the delivery guy pulls up, J takes off running with the change. Now put yourself in the delivery guy's shoes. A large gentleman (J is probably 6 feet and is well rounded) in his boxer shorts grasping a large jar of change comes running at your car. He jumps, slides across your hood, barely recovering on the landing and hands you thirteen some dollars in change. Blue and I are standing in his grandmother's driving doing our best not to laugh hysterically and wake the whole neighborhood up, while J is convincing out poor driver that he didn't have to count it because we wouldn't rip him off. If I recall, I don't think we had enough to tip him very well. Maybe less than a dollar? At least he had a great story to tell his coworkers!
J's bachelor party was held in a neighboring city to the one my parents reside in (vague?). It was at our friend Adam's house, a friend from h.s. who I haven't seen since h.s. When I arrived, Chase, his best man, Sean, Andy, J's cousin, J, and a few others were grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. It was a nice little party. There was a keg with some light beer and a cooler that contained Southern Comfort, Jagermeister, and some vodka in it. I spent the next couple of hours catching up with old friends. Whenever J did something stupid, or even if we just felt like it, we would make him take a shot. Usually someone did one with him. Before I was even drunk, I was trying to open the Southern Comfort, and ended up dropping the whole bottle. I relived a moment when my friends were fighting one drunken night, and I got so emotional and upset, I took an unopened bottle of Wild Turkey from my trunk and just smashed it in the street, screaming at my friends that I would never drink again - at 3 in the morning, in a quiet neighborhood. As I stare at the garage floor and the shards of what was once a full bottle of booze, everyone was hooting and yelling at me. I actually drank what remained in the surviving bottom of the bottle as punishment for alcohol abuse (unbelievable!). One of our friends told me a few moments later that he thought Chase was going to punch me in the face. It was all in good fun though and we had a good laugh. I insisted to buy another bottle as repayment for my folly, so someone drove me to the liquor store and I did just that. As the day went on, there were stories (such as the one above, which I shared with everyone there) and drinking and good times. Adam has a very nice house which he lets to another friend, Brian. At one point we offered the neighbor a beer, and we all cheered like a pack of crazed football fans as he drank it. A few more people came near the time I had to leave the first time - another Andy, Jim, some others - but as it were, I was watching my dog that weekend, so I had to leave to give him his insulin shot. At the time I was unsure if I were to return, so I left them with the pessimistic, "see you around sometime". Just a note in case you were wondering, I didn't drive drunk, it's something I wouldn't do. By the time I left the alcohol was out of my system. I heard that some women were going to be there later, so I asked the non-g/f if she wanted to come, assuming that the bachelor party was dissolving into a regular party. She did, so after about 3-4 hours, I returned with her. When I arrived, Jena, Erika, Marin, & Alex (Scooby), along with all the other people who were previously present, were there.
I introduced the non-g/f to everyone, including Jena who asked me if I was still dating "that girl", to which I replied by saying that this was that girl. Fun times! At this point some of the people were a little tipsy, including J. He continuously asked me to play the acoustic guitar that was layed out by the stair entrance to Adam's house, but I really can't play entire songs, so I played chunks of stuff I knew. Scooby, who I didn't know could play took over and played some Silverchair, Sublime, Incubus, etc., and he was quite good (admittantly, better than I). We all sat around and talked, watched some of those stupid/funny internet movies until someone brought up the idea (I think it was J) to go to the nuddie bar. J wanted to go because it was his bachelor party and that was the promise he made his best man keep (he had a whole month left of bachelorhood to go after this evening). The question skipped across the party and eventually a small crowd gathered to attend. I tagged along mostly because I was one of three to four sober people and there wasn't enough car space for all the people that wanted to go in the two other cars.
Jim, Jena, non-g/f, and I all drove to the Choice (chosen by the man of the hour himself). During the trip I learned some pretty interesting things about my old high school buddies. Due to the potential embarrassment following the leak of that information, I'm going to just leave it at that. We parked and waited for the rest of the crowd, who left well before we did (but somehow, we beat them there). As we all were walking, Jena and I were talking about some things. I learned that she had a crush on me in high school, which would have been nice to know at the time, since I had a huge crush on her at the time, which I told her. We all scooted along and arrived at The Choice. The next series of events were quite bizarre (I guess is the best word to use). Jena and non-g/f were excited, Jena, more notably, because they were being devirginized, for lack of better word, to the club.
In a few minutes, I found myself sitting at the stage with some people whom I won't name specifically, and we were all giving the stripper dollars, a most bizarre feeling, I'll tell you. I have to say that that was quite the experience, due to the fact that I haven't seen some of these people in over 3 years and now I'm sitting at a stripe club stage with them...We all stayed there for an hour or so. J got his fill on his last month of bachelorhood. The strippers really liked Jena. It was hilarious, they kept trying to make her take her shirt off, but she wouldn't do it. We all laughed and pointed.
After the club, we were returning to Adam's when the street I wanted to take in downtown was barracaded off by the police. The site in front of me was amazing, there were people everywhere on the street, hundreds of them, for some event. After getting a little lost and watching two gangs of gangstas in cars swerve in and out of traffic and run multiple red lights to chase each other, we arrived at Adam's place. Non-g/f and I chatted a while longer, then said our goodbye's and left for the evening.
That's all folks,
P-Wagz
posted by P-Wagz at 8:54 AM
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