Would You Like More Blended Porcupine With That Entree', Sir?

Give me learning sir, and you can have your hamburgers...just another quotable notable.

Welcome back, me! It's been a while. I've had tests galore, among other things, so I haven't had much free time. I've devoted my entire Sunday to slacking off in style; complete with many episodes of Naruto! Last Saturday (over a week ago), I had the opportunity to see the Suicide Girls. At first, I was a little apathetic to the whole ordeal, because I didn't really have the money, but I thought that when the time came, I would have wanted something to do on a Saturday, so I signed up. Iron grace, a coworker, her boyfriend, Nemcompoop, we'll call him, Stacy Boffenkamp (this name is hilarious in that boffen means f*ck in some language other than the one being used to write this blog), another coworker, non-g/f and I set out for a dazzling evening of boobies. Now's the time to mention that the Suicide Girls perform burlesque shows (gasps from the audience). After a short drive and chilly wait outside the Fine Line, we entered and found, to our surprise that there were no tables or chairs, except in the back. I thought it was peculiar because for all the people that were standing in line for the show, there wasn't going to be enough good "seats" to go around. We waited for quite a long time, even longer than, had we been at a concert, normal. We were all surprised again by an opening band called Tsu Shi Ma Me Re, from Tokyo, Japan. I had no idea that burlesque shows had opening bands. Anyway, their performance was awesome! It was obvious that they did not know very much English, but they made by okay. The best way I can describe them is a Japanese Franz Ferdinand. They also have a ska song! The band finished their performance with much applause from the crowd, and soon after we all were left chatting about our newfound band and waiting for our boobies.

The show started a little later, and I must say the show was enjoyed by all, even people from outside our little circle. The Suicide Girls were very creative, and although I still don't really know how burlesque shows work, they did their job well. They seemed to focus on fetishes that people have. They even reenacted a torture scene from Reservoir Dogs. There was a girl who did uniforms - Army drill sergeant, and something else I can't recall. There were marionettes, a plushy/furry type fetish, and even the classic lingerie strip down just to name a few. As I watched I made note of one of those peculiarities one discovers in one's life about oneself. I am not a man's man in society's eyes. I found myself truly amazed and awed by the beauty of their bodies. It wasn't a turn on for me at all to watch them. All around me, men are wolf whistling, and shoving to get better views, and here I am, off in some land enjoying it in my own little way. Speaking of people shoving to get better views, there was this asshole, who was like nine feet tall and burly as all get out, shoving in front of everyone and who ended up behind us. He said something to Nemcompoop, which resulted in angering him. Earlier, he had been telling me how people kept shoving him over more and more and that it was grating on his nerves and that he was going to start shoving back; there were an unusually large number of people at this show as well - too many, at least too many to see well. From what the jerk's facial impressions said and the look Nemcompoop had afterward, I thought he said something to him about sharing the space after he had shoved Nemcompoop. A white-hot anger not unlike that of a samurai sword in the making flowed through me. I wanted to drill this drunken jerk in the back of the head so badly, that it totally ruined that part of the show for me. I tend to fabricate things in anger. I was just waiting for this guy to shove me out of the way and stand in front of me, so I couldn't see. Then the words of my Judo instructor echoed in my head, "You must use reasonable restraint." Sure, I won't lie, I know enough martial arts to create a 30 second choreographed fight scene in my head (which I did) ending in O-Soto-Garee (the move that can kill people if done the right way), but I thought that murder 1 on my head because I'm too short fused would be a slight hindrance for me living the rest of my life. I didn't really think of a finishing move, I didn't even think of a fight scene. I actually just thought of punching the guy. It was just fun to write all that stuff down, to be honest. Anywho, I calmed down and watched the rest of the show.

Afterward, Iron Grace bought their DVD and had them all sign it. I ended buying the Tsu She Ma Me Re CD, which totally rules! We hung around for a while longer, and then hit the road.
If you want to check out the Suicide Girls, go here. I haven't gone to this site, but I know it's not safe for work.

Hope that tides you over for now!

P-Wagz

Lost

I feel rather lost in life right now. I always seem to have these times where I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I half expect fate to sort it all out, while at the same time, I know that it's me who's really making the choices, who must make the choices. And this is all happening again, like it did last year. I feel that I should just focus on my schooling and get it done and over with, but I also feel that I should just scrap it all and do something else more self-appreciable. I said before that I want to be a musician, and the only real reason I'm in college is to support that venture because the wage of a musician makes less than that needed to survive. I find it sad that I've spent five years of my life just to get a job that supplements the way I truly want to live. However, it would be foolish to give up now, since I only have two classes that I need to graduate, but for some strange reason, this reality doesn't affect the way that I feel. I stay in college out of sheer will. My grades aren't top notch, and although I'm thinking that I won't go on to professional school, or graduate school, grades are a big deal to me. To get average grades fills me with a deep sense of despair, hopelessness, and failure. I never want to read for class, and I always find other things to do, like reading Harry Potter, blogging, playing music, writing, or video games. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me, but I feel that because my grades haven't been the best and I'm still able to attend school (man, that sounds bad), I just want to keep going the way I have been, by just barely making it, and finish. The other big issue I have is finding time for people in my life. The way my schedule is now, I don't have many classes, yet the way work and my night class is laid out, my free time is about nil. I hate that I only have 3 nights a week for family, friends, and non-g/f. There just isn't enough time, and when I have a real 9-5 job, I will probably find that there still isn't enough time. I realize that I just have to make time. This usually is at the expense of my homework (at this point), but I don't care, because those people mean more to me than homework ever will.

That felt really good to get off my chest.

P-Wagz

Tae Kwon Judo Chop!

I will puff myself up by saying that I'm getting good at Judo. My body still aches a little though. I was talking to a friend in my Judo class about how we, as humans, tend to take a liking to things that aren't necessarily good for us. I was referring to my increasing enjoyment of Judo and how my father's side has a history of back and roller cuff problems, and those are the most likely injuries I will sustain while practicing Judo.

Another birthday has come and passed. I got totally smashed at Brothers with my brothers (my two best friends) on Thursday. I still admit to not liking Brothers bar. I was so drunk, I convinced my friend not to drive (he had only a few drinks in 4 hours) for an additional ten minutes past the time we got to his truck. I came to the conclusion that if we waited those ten more minutes until the hour, then he would, for sure, be safe to drive. Highlights of the night, pulled from my blotchy memory, were that we met some people from Arizona that were there on business, we saved some chick from having her car towed, MDT (we were celebrating both of our birthdays) was kicked out for being too drunk (you don't say!), some random chick danced with me and openly mocked my moves (burnt!), some weird guy was trying to talk to me while I waited from my bros., and I tried, and discovered a disgust for, Moosehead beer.

In other news, Coony, my legendary sewer rat/raccoon, is probably dead. I didn't mention it before, but there was a dead raccoon, who was run over many weeks ago near my apartment. I'm cannot say for certain though, as the raccoon I saw on West Bank after class one night had the EXACT same characteristics and actions when he ran into the sewer. Conclusion - I probably shouldn't have mentioned anything, because Coony is now an urban myth and there's nothing any of you can do about it!

Wish me luck on my first ever martial arts practical test on Thursday! I may be promoted to yellow belt, or splintered board level!

Non-g/f bought me a ipod nano for my birthday! I thought I mentioned it, but I guess I didn't. I am way to spoiled. This is in regards to her quasi-disgruntled comment about me looking at ipods after already owning one. I have only a two more materialistic wants in the whole world, which she also mentioned - an amp and a djembe. After receiving/buying those, I will turn into some ugly person who has everything he wants in the world. I will then become an old hermit with a hunched back and scurry away into a cave and hid like my hamster and rodentia bretheren, severing all ties to the world. I may or may not have one of those horribly knotted and knobbed walking staffs that I poke people who come seeking my sagely advice with. End of message.

P-Wagz

P.S. I don't like this post at all. Consider it bad writing.

Pinstripes and Laser Guides

Does anyone ever notice that people violating some traffic law or another think that leaving their hazard lights on makes them invincible to the law? The other day, I saw someone parked out in the middle of the street with their hazard lights on; keeping in mind that this street is usually crammed with cars because it is a patient drop-off area. Fortunately, because of this zone, there are areas where cars can actually park out of the way of oncoming traffic. This individual, however, decided that blocking off one side of the street (near a bottle neck in the road) was the most convenient choice for them. Curious indeed! The next time I have to alleviate myself, I'm going to stop in the middle of a four-lane freeway and do my business. But none of you will be angry with me - I'm using my hazards.

Speaking of the word angry. Here's some English syntax for y'alls. Using the word "mad" is usually misused commonly, in this language. You cannot be mad at someone because you would be insane at them. Now I feel like an English teacher. Thank you, Mrs. Madsen.

I don't know how in touch with gut instincts, or how spiritually connected to the world you all are, but personally, I've been feeling something coming on that isn't good. I don't claim to be a prophet, and for certain, do not like the feeling that something bad is approaching, but the feeling is there nonetheless. What with the tragedy hurricanes are causing in the south, a bad storm hitting my home town and the surrounding area badly enough to knock out power for nearly a week, non-g/f and my hamster getting Cushing's syndrome, and some other various things I won't mention for the privacy of our viewers, I sense a dark omen. There has been an exponential increase in the amount of assholes that come into work and harass (sexually and otherwise) my friends. I was taught long ago, that increase in pollutants in our environment would cause more severe weather due to ions and reactive radicals from the sulfur and nitric chemicals in our air. With that said, either we coincidentally are getting hit by a ferocious bout of weather (and jerks), or we are starting to seriously infect our world, our home (/workplace). Do me a favor when you are done reading this - hug a tree (or a photocopier).

I took my non-g/f and my roommates on a mushroom adventure last week! There was a large gilled mushroom about 10 feet up in a tree near my apartment. I didn't have a ladder, yet wanted to collect this beautiful specimen. I asked my roommates one night, with much doubt, if either of them happened to have a ladder that they could acquire without too much trouble. They replied with a no, but my roommate Bizzle said we could use one of his loft heads from his bed as a make-shift ladder. I pondered the implications involved for a while, then decided that it was a possibility I wanted to explore. After discussing it with them for a minute, we decided that Matti would scale the loft head, and retrieve the 'shroom because of his giant-like height, e.g. he was the tallest. We found the necessary equipment - a towel to catch the falling fungus, another towel to prevent scratches on the loft head from the tree, the loft head, and a broomball stick for poking. The rag-tag band of adventurers that we were set out into the brisk September evening to do a job of pending peril. We reached the old elm which was halfway "deconstructed" by a working crew due to Dutch Elm Disease and set up camp. Matti nimbly hoisted his lanky stature upon the loft head, found his bearings and realized that the broomball stick was throwing off his balance. He ditched it, then started peeling away bark from the tree to get a better angle at the mushroom. Eventually, he peeled a large mass of it away, it started to slip, tumbling away in his grasp, and after a few aerial somersaults, he regained control. The whole time I was thinking, "Matti, drop the damn thing, or you'll fall off and hit your head! The stupid mushroom isn't that important!" I later told him this and we had all had a laugh. After he had it, I requested he drop it onto the stretched out towel non-g/f and I had splayed open. It bounced off the towel onto the ground, but was left unscathed. Matti got down, and we headed for home, a brisk 30 second walk away. This time, I looked like I was carrying a head in the towel, and we received a few strange looks from passersby. When we got it inside, they all sat staring at it in wonder whilst I feebly attempted to classify it. This thing was over a foot long! I ended up at an oyster mushroom - a common choice edible. I brought it in the next day for my world renown mycology professor to look at. He didn't get a glimpse of it until a couple days later. We still don't know what it is for sure.

My classes are taking a heavy toll on my body. Tae Kwon Do and ABM are physically exerting classes that cause me to go into comas at night from exhaustion. That combined with my Judo class, where my body is throw head over heels onto my back at least 10 times twice a week, doesn't help. Overall, the semester has been quite fun. I don't fall asleep in my science classes, and the phy. ed. classes are a barrel full of primates.

I discovered something fun to do for those of you with minds of 12 year olds, like me, who have time to waste. Go to the apple website and order an ipod. It will bring you to a screen where you may engrave something on the hind end of the machine. The site censors nothing, so you can write what ever your foul, sick, twisted mind can think of. To the right of the text entering space appears an ipod and, after a second or two, the words you entered on the back of it. Non-g/f and I thought of some fun things, "will you marry me?", "The warts will clear up, I promise.", "I'm pregnant with your best friend's child", "I just sold your soul to a man claiming to be God". Fun stuff.