Lost
I feel rather lost in life right now. I always seem to have these times where I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I half expect fate to sort it all out, while at the same time, I know that it's me who's really making the choices, who must make the choices. And this is all happening again, like it did last year. I feel that I should just focus on my schooling and get it done and over with, but I also feel that I should just scrap it all and do something else more self-appreciable. I said before that I want to be a musician, and the only real reason I'm in college is to support that venture because the wage of a musician makes less than that needed to survive. I find it sad that I've spent five years of my life just to get a job that supplements the way I truly want to live. However, it would be foolish to give up now, since I only have two classes that I need to graduate, but for some strange reason, this reality doesn't affect the way that I feel. I stay in college out of sheer will. My grades aren't top notch, and although I'm thinking that I won't go on to professional school, or graduate school, grades are a big deal to me. To get average grades fills me with a deep sense of despair, hopelessness, and failure. I never want to read for class, and I always find other things to do, like reading Harry Potter, blogging, playing music, writing, or video games. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me, but I feel that because my grades haven't been the best and I'm still able to attend school (man, that sounds bad), I just want to keep going the way I have been, by just barely making it, and finish. The other big issue I have is finding time for people in my life. The way my schedule is now, I don't have many classes, yet the way work and my night class is laid out, my free time is about nil. I hate that I only have 3 nights a week for family, friends, and non-g/f. There just isn't enough time, and when I have a real 9-5 job, I will probably find that there still isn't enough time. I realize that I just have to make time. This usually is at the expense of my homework (at this point), but I don't care, because those people mean more to me than homework ever will.
That felt really good to get off my chest.
P-Wagz
That felt really good to get off my chest.
P-Wagz
posted by P-Wagz at 8:25 PM
2 Comments:
What is your happy thought? Make a list of all the things/people/activies that make you happy. Make it a permanent post that you can read/look at often. Put it on your computer, your mirror, in your shoes, etc. Whatever makes you happy.
The non-g/f
I totally agree that going to school to have a real job and not what you really want to do is awful and makes it much harder to study. And even you think you don't care, not doing awesome on things makes you sad, even though you know you should have studied harder, but you don't care about that stuff anyways and would rather just drop out and become a chef and have so much fun but you can't because that's not a "real" job. Oh wait, that's me...but I know how you feel. It's all just too much, and I really think that people who do love what they're studying are happier and don't feel like this, and don't waste time just surfing the internet or watching crappy tv. But I really don't know. Although if you become a musician, I'll drop out go to chef school and we'd both be happy! :) I guess I'm not helpful, but that was an awesome post, and I am totally happy I'm not the only one that thinks those things.
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