Black Clouds
Okay...so I have tons of stuff to talk about tonight. I will probably spend most of the night working on this blog. First of all, I just came from a BCQ meeting (explained in previous post). We talked about the old times about how the leaders got into BCQ and I remembered the good old days of college, when our orientation group (which happened to be the "best" one [we had our group's picture in the flyer for orientation the following year]) still all talked and Blue Pumpkin, at that time, reassured me that we wouldn't talk to each other by the end of college, much to my dismay. He was right. I don't really talk to the people in my orientation group, with the exception of my non g/f. Not on any real personal level anyway. I still see them and say hi, but that's about it. We used to be a tight bunch, all used to hang out all the time, study, eat, what have you. We all attended BCQ together as students, and all became leaders. Some of my fondest memories of college are in Itasca State Park with those people. I won't get into details, but some of us parted ways on bad terms due to some people's poor communication skills. Anyway, that was all brought back tonight just by discussing how we came to be leaders. By the way, the people in my orientation group that became leaders with me aren't there anymore, but other people I've known for a while were. This leads to me saying something cliche' and somewhat unrelated to the above ramblings. With your time on this planet, do what you want and do it now, because you may never have the chance again! I've wasted many hours of my college years here at work. It sucks, but I can't help my financial situation. Of course there were other things I would have liked to do with my time, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. They are definitely forming. Clouds...
This brings up the concept of memories. I try not to live in the past, but from time to time, a good memory springs up, like the one's vaguely referred to above, and I get all nostalgic and melancholy-like. I used to live in my memories when I was between 14 and 16. I have journals of those days on floppy disks, very detailed descriptions of weekends that I never wanted to forget. I feel my heart sink a little knowing that it'll never be the same again. Innocence is lost forever. I'm feeling that way right now.
Memories don't always bring melancholy, though. Some of my best and happiest times are trapped in memories. Getting caught after curfew, getting so high, my eyes were more red than an apple (I know drug related, you don't have to say anything), bringing home Shadow from the cabin for the first time. The list goes on. If you love memories the way I do, I have an exercise for you. One of my best friends had to do a memory tree in one of his classes. What you do is write down a person's name and think of some memories you have with/of them. As you go on to write memories of/with other people, you will remember other memories from people you already wrote about and you will start remembering hundreds of memories. I started this task a while ago, but haven't done anything with it recently. There are many concerts, Perkins visits, high school get-togethers, and hang-out nights left to be remembered.
I've gotten completely off track as to what this post was supposed to be about. Black Clouds refers to one of my favorite Papa Roach songs. I chose this particular title because of the crap that life has been throwing at someone in my life. I feel that they have a black cloud following them. This person is close to me, so I have felt some of the brunt. I've discovered that I need peace of mind for while. Maybe religious, but not necessarily. With all of college and everything else coming at me, I need a break. I know I've talked about this before, and I'm getting sick of it. I act as if I have it so terrible that I can't figure out what I want to do with my life. There are people dying everyday, people who really have to struggle, that work 2 jobs just to get by. I'll probably find a pretty decent job once I'm out of college, boo hoo on me, huh? I'm finding that I'm letting the weight of the world swallow me up, though. The hatred, struggling, and bleakness of the planet has been tugging at me like a lost child looking for guidance to find its way. I often feel like I'm the main character in a story. I have something important to accomplish in my life, but I feel that right now, I'm stuck. I was shocked to hear from one of my coworkers one day at Pizza Hut say that he knew I would be a great man one day. I'm still surprised at this because I am not the leading type. I don't like being a follower, but that doesn't mean I'm a leader. People used to tell me in high school that I was really smart. I could never figure that out. The only reason I got good grades was because I conformed, folded like a cheap card table I did. All I ever did was what the teachers told me to do. That got the grade. I make some of the most stupid mistakes as anyone. I admire those who got crap grades, who barely graduated, or didn't graduate at all. They are the true leaders (well, some of them). The free thinkers. People outside the square. People who have the ability to see things from a vantage point and defragment situations and solve them before they become real problems.
Rambling rambling 'round we go. I've noticed that a specific, somewhat hated genre of music from my past is taking a bite out of me. I'm really starting to love rap. I admire the "dope rhymes", the lyrical structural skills. Don't get me wrong, rock will always be number one. I was going to write more, but I'll put it in a later post. This way, at least some of my thoughts will be comprehendible to the post intended.
I guess, the best way to end this post is to ask you, what do you want to know about me?
Woot~
P-Wagz
This brings up the concept of memories. I try not to live in the past, but from time to time, a good memory springs up, like the one's vaguely referred to above, and I get all nostalgic and melancholy-like. I used to live in my memories when I was between 14 and 16. I have journals of those days on floppy disks, very detailed descriptions of weekends that I never wanted to forget. I feel my heart sink a little knowing that it'll never be the same again. Innocence is lost forever. I'm feeling that way right now.
Memories don't always bring melancholy, though. Some of my best and happiest times are trapped in memories. Getting caught after curfew, getting so high, my eyes were more red than an apple (I know drug related, you don't have to say anything), bringing home Shadow from the cabin for the first time. The list goes on. If you love memories the way I do, I have an exercise for you. One of my best friends had to do a memory tree in one of his classes. What you do is write down a person's name and think of some memories you have with/of them. As you go on to write memories of/with other people, you will remember other memories from people you already wrote about and you will start remembering hundreds of memories. I started this task a while ago, but haven't done anything with it recently. There are many concerts, Perkins visits, high school get-togethers, and hang-out nights left to be remembered.
I've gotten completely off track as to what this post was supposed to be about. Black Clouds refers to one of my favorite Papa Roach songs. I chose this particular title because of the crap that life has been throwing at someone in my life. I feel that they have a black cloud following them. This person is close to me, so I have felt some of the brunt. I've discovered that I need peace of mind for while. Maybe religious, but not necessarily. With all of college and everything else coming at me, I need a break. I know I've talked about this before, and I'm getting sick of it. I act as if I have it so terrible that I can't figure out what I want to do with my life. There are people dying everyday, people who really have to struggle, that work 2 jobs just to get by. I'll probably find a pretty decent job once I'm out of college, boo hoo on me, huh? I'm finding that I'm letting the weight of the world swallow me up, though. The hatred, struggling, and bleakness of the planet has been tugging at me like a lost child looking for guidance to find its way. I often feel like I'm the main character in a story. I have something important to accomplish in my life, but I feel that right now, I'm stuck. I was shocked to hear from one of my coworkers one day at Pizza Hut say that he knew I would be a great man one day. I'm still surprised at this because I am not the leading type. I don't like being a follower, but that doesn't mean I'm a leader. People used to tell me in high school that I was really smart. I could never figure that out. The only reason I got good grades was because I conformed, folded like a cheap card table I did. All I ever did was what the teachers told me to do. That got the grade. I make some of the most stupid mistakes as anyone. I admire those who got crap grades, who barely graduated, or didn't graduate at all. They are the true leaders (well, some of them). The free thinkers. People outside the square. People who have the ability to see things from a vantage point and defragment situations and solve them before they become real problems.
Rambling rambling 'round we go. I've noticed that a specific, somewhat hated genre of music from my past is taking a bite out of me. I'm really starting to love rap. I admire the "dope rhymes", the lyrical structural skills. Don't get me wrong, rock will always be number one. I was going to write more, but I'll put it in a later post. This way, at least some of my thoughts will be comprehendible to the post intended.
I guess, the best way to end this post is to ask you, what do you want to know about me?
Woot~
P-Wagz
posted by P-Wagz at 9:15 PM
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