Croak...!

It's time for another installment of, I'm wasting time at work, when I really should be studying. I'll give you one of those real life posts that gives my facelessness some character. What's new? I'm taking many classes this semester: 2 Asian Languages and Literature classes to finish my minor, Biochem, Plant Cell Bio, Tae Kwon Do, African-based Movement. Then I had to drop one the classes for my minor because, one, there was too much reading (It was a graduate level class; 200 pages a week with big non-science words I didn't understand. I spent more time looking up words in the dictionary than actually reading), two, I don't read nearly fast enough to keep up (I am probably the slowest reader in the world), three, my communication skills are close to nil and the class was mostly discussion based. Not to mention there were PhD's in the class who used words I've never even heard of! Although I was intimidated, I was going to stick it out and take the class, but I've learned from experience that if I focus on my non-major classes, i.e. non-science, I fail my science classes, and thus, would not graduate this semester. This post is a conglomeration of syntactical meyhem! I am becoming more and more afraid that I will amount to nothing. I'm mediocre at everything, and a master of nothing. I truly fear that I won't achieve my dream. That doesn't mean I will stop trying but, reality is setting in. I don't really want to go to grad school, yet I feel that my wage getting out of college won't be sufficient. Maybe I should be less indulgent. I guess I'll have to see where life takes me. I didn't go to China for language study like I wanted to. I have all these things I wanted to do, but didn't. I always feel like there is enough time later for doing these things, but we all know that if you don't do them now, you'll never do them. The world is making me feel insignificant. And I'm having my once a semester freak out right now. First things first, how the hell am I going to get my minor after I get my degree? Boy, this will be fun.

P.S. Someday I will get back to my strange post that I made a while back.

P.P.S. Duck, if you are reading this, your blog has been down for quiet some time. You might want to reprimand blogger for this, unless this is part of your scheme of squirrel domination.

Slap Happy?

What is your happy thought? Make a list of all the things/people/activies that make you happy. Make it a permanent post that you can read/look at often. Put it on your computer, your mirror, in your shoes, etc. Whatever makes you happy.

This was posted as an annonymous comment earlier last year. It was then recommented how I didn't respond to this comment, so know, after long months of waiting, here it is. Oh, it probably isn't all inclusive, and the order does not represent it's importance.

Things that make me happy:
Non-g/f
Friends - all of you, no exceptions
Family - same as friends
Music - including listening, playing, recording, writing lyrics
Video Games - RPG's mainly, but I'm known for a round of Halo.
Eating junk food, especially Chex Mix® Hot 'N Spicy flavor (which they don't seem to make anymore. If anyone can find me a full sized bag at a grocery store, buy it, and I will pay you back!)
Carbonated, dark fructose phosphoric acid beverages (known to some as pop, soda, and nyuck!)
Running
Biking
Martial arts
Dancing
Being stupid and immature
Exploring
Discussing "deep" issues
Stupid science geek jokes
Beer
Macs
Ducks
Small furry animals, rodents
Animals in general
My ancestors
My pets
Up North (collectively)
My Cabin
Air
Doing good deeds for others
Rodentia!
The Scrat!
Trying to be healthy
Organizing the hell out of things
Reading
Learning
Rock Climbing
The Yeti (inside joke from Wolf Ridge)
Hugging trees
Hugs
My parents
Blogging
Conspiracies
Blue skies
Nature
Forests
Mushrooms and their cohorts
Wasting money
Long trips to nowhere talking about stuff
SILENCE
Beaches
Florida
Colorado
Apocalyptic sunsets
Complaining about stuff
Contradiction
History
Life
Being grateful for everything
Not being selfish
Being liberal
Talking shit about republicans to republicans and their retorts (always a fun time)
Love
Knowing that I'm not perfect

Spacial Void

This is a conglomeration of thoughts built up over several months.

I learned that there is a very high incidence of a meteor hitting the earth, which made me think about what it would be like if we had to live in space and leave earth. This is also from when my brothers and I were talking about this a while back on one of our twilight treks through suburbia. Personally, I think space is facinating. It would be so awesome to view the planets, and if I lived long enough, other galaxies. I can handle being alone for very long periods, however, I think that void of space would ultimately destoy any thin web of sanity, no matter how resilient the entity, myself included. Then I really started thinking about it and I pondered the basis of our interactions and why people are considered "interesting" in the first place. We find people interesting because they are different than we are. It may be their carefree way of life, their strange-angled way of thinking, or their inability to amount to anything (as in my case). Now, I'm sure you all have realized this without me saying it, but it's almost like I'm creating my own board game, so bear with my childish nature. For people to become interesting, they must be different, at least in some aspects, from the self. This is accomplished through different environmental stimuli and interactions with other people/things. Now that I sound like a psychology textbook, I'll shift to my point. The reason that space would drive any one person to madness is that, unless we build a ship that is vast, has many different environmental stimuli, and has enough people, there wouldn't be enough change or difference in the small livable environment to produce enough interest to keep the mind satisfied. The result...Star Trek! At least Gene Roddenberry had the right idea.

I think I'll do away with the closing line for now, as you know it's me typing. I find it harder to come up with nifty sayings at the end of my posts versus crazy arsed titles.

Meh?

Life is difficult enough to deal, without me throwing my crazy thoughts into the mix to further the madness of this haphazard existence! With that said, I love you guys! It's fun reading all your thoughts on all your blogs. It's really quite inspiring. Although some of you think that your lives are boring, you truly inspire me, and make me think that you all find ways to entertain yourselves better than you say you do. While reading your blogs, a thought occurred to me. It was how polished and careful-not-to-step-on-each-others-toes some of my family is. I'm really not trying to dog them, I do love them all, but we seem so fake sometimes. At our yearly large social gatherings, usually Christmas, the older generation asks the younger generation what they've been up to and how school/work (if they are out of college) is going. This is about the all of it. We don't have any real conversations, at least not to my recollection. Perhaps, we don't need to, or maybe we just don't know how to talk to one another. It could be that I expect too much from my family. I would hazard a guess that my aunts and uncles don't want to hear how I went out and got shit-faced (or something to that effect) the other night, but something is better than this repetitious fogged over exchange. All the while, some of older generation is smoking pot and doing other things the younger generation usually is associated with. That's an entirely different point as well. I don't want to tell my family how I go out and party and get a vivid foundation-shaking view of their private lives that I would rather not know about in exchange. Now I think I'm not giving them enough credit. I'm thinking I've just come full-circle and things should rather stay the way they are than branch out into radical change.

One of my Chinese classes for my minor, my graduate level class, go figure, is making me read 160 pages in the first week! I don't know if I can do this. Usually I cram all my reading in the night before it's due, such as before a test or something. My financial aid was held up, and then released when they discovered I, in fact, did not overdraw on federal funding, but was at the exact amount I could take out as an undergrad. How would I have any control over that? I thought the government lends money on the level of need based on information an individual submits via the FAFSA? Nothing like the grave errors of others that results in your downfall. That was a scary thought, as it's my last semester, and I wouldn't have been able to attend because of lack of funding.

I'm both excited and filled with stress and fear. My good friend Blue Pumpkin (check my links) is getting married and his wedding is coming up! Also, my one of my best friends, MDT and his girlfriend are going to the proud parents of a baby girl and I'm the Godfather (look out!). I actually stressed for both of them, as I can barely get through college dealing with the financial hardships when I'm not in repayment on loans, so I don't even want to know what it'll be like for him with a child! I'm mostly stressed for Blue and his fiancé' because I have to come up with two speeches; one for the groom’s dinner and one for the wedding. You all know I have no ways with words when it comes to vocal communication. I kin ryt well sumtimes too!

P-Wagz

Clone Drone

Before you read this, please realize, 1.) I am angry about this, 2.) I make (many) irrational assumptions, and 3.) I just don't care. The following comes after a brief run-in with the cloning controversy.

Bush and his administration have an agenda. He should look to the greater good when deciding about cloning, not his own beliefs. In my opinion, the man focuses on what he believes and runs the country that way, not subjectively, like he should. I will sell myself short in admitting that I don't know about all the decisions he's made, but from what I've seen, I feel safe in assuming this claim. Millions of organisms, from complex mammals, to bacteria micrometers in length are killed for experiments around the world (and most not even for cloning), but they are living as well, shouldn't they have a choice? He doesn't have anything to say about them, I'm sure, because they are "just animals". The lack of ability to reason that we humans have, must also mean lack of will or want for survival, in his eyes. Human embryos are just like any other animal's embryos. Even if he looked within his own ranks, he would find religious and like-minded persons like himself who support cloning and stem cell research which can aid in finding a cure for our most damning diseases. I acknowledge that it is only a possibility that a cure can be found, but I also admit that without attempting these techniques and learning the truth, we will never know the outcome, and thus may lose to a great epidemic. Growing embryos in bottles is a bunch of conniving zealot hype. No sensible human being would do something so corrupt, so baneful. If such an individual began this sort of endeavor, then by all means, have the entirety of the human race come down and destroy him! Bush doesn't do enough for the people already living on this planet, such as environmental protection, why should he care about embryos? He's too concerned with his own ideas and what the nation thinks about him, he's not thinking outside of the circle, outside of himself. The economy is important, but when it comes down to it all, if there is no environment to sustain us, there won't be any economy, country, or life for that matter. I'm only attacking the source of insanity in this one, for I believe the world is already over-f*cking populated beyond belief.

With little fuming sparks emitting from me head,

P-Wagz

P.S. This is not what I was referring to in my mystery post, but it will have significance.

Focal Triangular Prisms of Doom

It's hard to stay focused on the task at hand. I learned something that I can't unlearn. This something may or not be true in reality, but I've chosen to accept and believe it. I've been sort of bickoring about it in my other posts, never knowing my anger is proof of the matter. I never thought it would be like this, though. I was up late last night contemplating the events at hand.

On one hand it's great to lose myself in my friends and think that the world will go on without intervention, nice and happy and unknowing, but on the other hand, I have a task and I need feedback from you all on this. There is an underground, but it is right in front of us. This is big, something I've sensed coming. Some of my posts will lead up to this and I'm going to really sound like a stranger and freak to you all, but this is what I believe and this is also what I fear. I fear it so much, that it kept me up last night. I never have trouble falling asleep. One of the craziest things is that I came up with this conclusion on my own. I just read something that confirmed it - it confirmed it on a level that is pretty darn terrifying. I know I'm talking in code right now, but you will all understand soon.

P-Wagz