Intraview

I had a job interview on Wednesday of spring break. It went ok. Let's just say I'm glad that it was my first because I forgot to print out my list of references and I was saved by the paper work, in which I could write them in. I felt like such an idiot. Not that money is a big thing for me, but I'm sort of worried about having a decent salary when I graduate. I'm going to be in major debt, as most college students are, when I'm done here, and living at home, so I don't have to stress about money too much. I just feel that starting out, I'm not going to be making much, and it makes me want to go to grad school so I can have a higher salary coming out of college. I won't let it get to me though, because I'm not made for grad school. I'm just an average guy. It also isn't my calling. On a job related note, I don't think I could work in another state. I like the Minnesota way too much. I've heard of the way things are in other states and cities (especially larger cities) and it doesn't sound so appealing. I do love living near/in the city of Minneapolis, though. When I was a teen, I wanted to live at my cabin (Brainerd area) and have a job up there, but now, I don't think I could handle it. I'm too used to seeing concerts and going out to nifty restaurants on the weekends to live far away. I think this had a lot to do with the people I knew at that time, and how I felt like I belonged with those people more. Ranting to ensue...

What is the deal with people's obsession with celebrities? Yes, most of them are hot, and yes they are in movies and everyone sees them, but why are they idolized? If you moved to CA, you would probably see them everyday and they would loose their appeal, but what do I know, maybe not. They are just humans like us, so what is it about them that everyone, except for me, seems to find irresistible? I supposed paparazzi mags put a high price on Jessica Alba's sock that's been shat on by a goose and that leaves something to the minds of people who want an easy dollar, but seriously, people have major stalker psychological issues if they want that sock, I'll tell you!

When you get a haircut and if no one says anything, does that mean they don't like your haircut, or is it just that they didn't notice it? My hair is very much shorter than before, but not too many people mention it to me. It's not that big of a deal, I'm not attention starved or anything, but it's just something I was thinking of.

I've been wondering if I have some sort of neuroses. Things like checking my email way too often, or the way I'm anally retentive about cleaning and organizing make me think I'm OCD or something. I will even do these things (yes, even cleaning!) over doing homework sometimes. I'm just not that interested in learning this crap (biology) anymore. Perhaps a change in studies will be good. I've been thinking about returning to the U for a music or language major after I'm done with Biology. It sort of depends on if I can use some of my course work for this major (e.g. sociology and humanities courses that are standard education for any degree) for the other ones. Going back to what I said earlier, I think living in a society where everything comes instantly and life is made easier by technology is consequentially a huge part of how I'm feeling right now. It makes sense that I don't want to do what's important and learn biological processes, etcetera, because it doesn't apply anywhere but my scholarly education. Seriously, if there were people I could talk to about biochemistry or chemistry, or genetics, or cell biology, I would probably like it more! Maybe I should have searched out some study buddies to get more into what I'm studying. Then again, I never have time, because I'm always working, or doing something else. For the first time in very long time, last Thursday, I had some solitude away from everyone. It felt wonderful! I've spent every minute of my recent life doing some activity, that I forgot the wonders of solitude. Anyway, I shouldn't complain about "doing stuff that I want to do" because most of my hours at work are spent on this stupid computer in addition to the 2 fun classes I'm taking that I really didn't have to take. I don't think I can yak anymore than I have. I should really get some stuff done.

Dreamscapes V

Some time ago I had a work-related dream. I will probably double post this on the work blog, since no one has done anything with it for a while. We might have to delete it, as all the contributors are graduating and we haven't passed the legacy on to any younger coworkers.

This dream dealt with the Copy Center at the library I work at on campus. A few "legend" type items that you'll need for proper understanding:
1.) C. Mills is an individual who has been coming to the library for years. He's middle aged and he always - ALWAYS - wears a labcoat to give the impression that he's a doctor. He also "lives" in the library. Why would a doctor hang around the library all day, you ask? Because he actually runs one of the labs in Moos Tower (Medical/Dentistry Building), that's why! He's a lab techy! He's known in our little circle as Dr. Freaknasty due to his creepy way of hitting on 20-something girls who work at the library. He's also been known to frequent Sally's Ladies Night and try to pick up some chicks there. Apparently he's married, or was at one time. There's other incidences that highlight his creepiness, but to make this post readable in under 30 minutes, you'll just have to take my word for it - he's f*cking creepy!
2.) Procedures (yawn) - At the Copy Center, you need to grab a card that keeps track of your copies, called an auditron. Without this card, the copiers will not function. In order for us to read the number of copies on your card, you must log out of the copier using your card when you are finished with your copying, which no one except the regulars at the library can usually figure out, even though we tell people that the directions are on the back. Side Note - this has been an area of most frustration among the CC workers.
3.) Lately, workers at the library have been forced to undergo training modules for enlightenment on the proper procedures and conduct at the library. They are basically a waste of time and no one thinks they are of any use. We are required to fill out worksheets that are intended to solidify the information we picked up post-meeting. Why the library decided to implement these meetings the spring before half their student staff graduates, is beyond my comprehension.

On to the dream...
Without having a meeting, there was a C. Mills worksheet to fill out. We had to know where he worked and other personal information about him. I went downstairs to where the library had been rearranged into an area where workers could fill out said worksheets. I asked some coworkers the answers to the questions because they knew them, and I was so apathetic that I turned in the sheet with half the answers on it. I remember being fumingly angered at having to do a worksheet one someone who was less than admirable. After turning in the worksheet, I ascended to the 3rd floor to resume my work shift at the CC. When I arrived, horror like no other was laid out before my orbs of sight. There were about 50 some high school students (Let me tell you, h.s. kids are so damn annoying when they come into a college library. They think they know everything. Some of you probably remember acting like your sh*t didn't stink in h.s., I know I did sometimes!) lined up to use the copiers. Since we only have 4 copiers, my stress level started to rise because there was a huge line, and people didn't know what they were doing, and since they were all friends, it was very noisy and no one would listen to me when I tried to explain procedure. I got stuck trying to enter some h.s. kids CUFS number (Basically a number that represents a grant funding dividend for research projects which we have all the contact information on, so people don't have to pay every time they make copies, and we bill them monthly. An h.s. student would never have one of these.) And her peers would just drop off an auditron and leave without paying. I would try to scan their auditron for the number of copies, but they didn't log out properly. By the time that happened, they had fled the scene, and got away without paying. [On a side note, I've had people drop off their cards in reality and try and leave without paying, as I watched them do it!] The whole situation got very frustrating, so frustrating that I woke up angry!

I was going to put another dream here, but I'll just move it to another post.

Dreamscapes IV

1/31/06 Dream

Definition - Focus group: a class designed to help students complete make-up assignments held every Wednesday afternoon at my high school. It was also the very first class you would go to on the first day of school after summer vacation. Eventually they evolved into slacking off sessions, where you could go goof off in your favorite teacher's room. Some teachers allowed watching movies and listening to music. I found it useful, not only for those ends, but for going to the band room to practice drumming and sax.

I was headed to Mr. H.'s focus group and it was the first day of my last year in high school. I was very excited. I was walking around the halls carrying books because we had no locker assignment yet, but no one else seemed to be carrying anything. I said "hi" to many people I knew; most of them were old h.s. friends that I hadn't seen since last year. Soon 20 some fellow students and I were piling into Mr. Hatchner's class to fill out some survey: I remember the survey asking my coursework in college, my major and some other things I don't remember. There were short pencils in front of me in various lengths, yet all very stubby. These were given to me by Mr. Hatchner and some fellow students. I think SNL was on the television while we filled out the forms. I remember SNL (a show that I find very unamusing) never being so entertaining. The show went on comercial break and I remember getting sucked into the television.
Suddenly I was falling; I landed on a platform of stone cut from what looked like stone from a store in the Quarry, or any other strip mall built in the past 5 years or so; it was about 8 feet wide and very long. As I lifted my head, I saw a man about 50 ft. down the platfrom, garbed in black and flanked by two other men, whose faces I couldn't see. The leading man, who seemed to have some position of power, bore the face of my old Copy Center supervisor. I got up and started walking towards him, but had poor balance. As I stumbled toward him, I shot a glance over the side of the platform and saw a surreal landscape; a vast sea stretching as far as the eye could see, hundreds of feet below me. The sky was set as a blackness fading into some ambient silver light eminating from below the horizon, casting a silvery glow all around. We exchanged some brief, but indistinguishable words. Soon I was facing away from him and...
Note- this is what I wrote down the morning of the dream. The rest I have to speculate because I don't quite remember the details.
I remember their being a set of large stone stairs leading down behind me (from my original vantage point). Somehow, suddendly, I was holding on the underside of the steps, dangling above the water below. I had somehow fallen through the stone and grabbed on to something before I fell. My old supervisor had some sort of magic powers and he had guided my course to this point. I somehow pulled myself up through the stone, and before my old supervisor could do anything, I ran down the stairs, which ended abruptly in thin air, leaving nothing but the vast sea below. I just kept going, and as I reached the end of those stairs, I was warped to another area/world/existence.
I now was standing on a stage set in a world of green. Everything was green in different shades, with the exception of people's skin, the stage and a few things in black. I stepped off of the stage and I remember there being the closed off, walled area, about 1000 feet long, and 50-60 feet wide, roughly. Along the long end ran something resembling a ski lift. People I knew were on some of the lifts. The lift was just high enough that the foot rest bottoms were not dragging on the ground (from some side notes to help me to remember the rest of the dream [which it didn't], G.B.C. was there, and my roomate D.M. and some of the guys that frequent my apartment. I think D.M. was playing some sort of video game; either PSP or GBA). After seeing them and saying "hi" I went back to the stage, which now had benches in front of it and there were many people watching a performance. The performers - both children and adult women - were all brainwashed and singing monotonously. Suddenly I thought that something was awry. A can of some aerosol chemical was in my hand I started spraying it on the performers. They came to, and a women yelled after me, "We don't want to be evil again!" as I ran off. As I ran from the stage I bumped into my friend Nate and his brother. I don't remember what happened here. After the gray area, I remember I was running for my life as my old supervisor and about 20 other men, all garbed in black capes and masks, flew after me. Saving those people from their brainwashing obviously had serious consequences. I was running all over the area trying to avoid them, but people kept pointing me out. The last thing I remember was I ran to the right of the stage. About 30 feet off and back 20 some feet from the stage, was a landing 6 feet off the ground with stairs leading to it. I ran underneath the platform and behind the stairs, and was unnoticed by my old supervisor and his men, who ascended the steps to the landing. They were conversing about where to search next. As I looked up, I had the power to see through the solid stairs and I could see my old supervisor's face. He looked down as if to look at me, and then suddenly they all flew off in another direction.

Some of All Fears

There are just too many things to do/choices to make/jobs to work in this life. I really don't know what to do. I could be a musician (most wanted), writer, restaurant owner, video game designer, translator, work with my friend who happens to own hotels - he owns more than one! Those are all things I want to do, and I know I need to do what makes me happy, but it really isn't difficult to make me happy. I feel very inspired tonight, but I'm stuck at work and I have a paper that I must write and I don't want to do it. There are also too many of you out there. I would spread myself so thin meeting all the people that I could, had I the chance, that I wouldn't be able to live for myself. Maybe I feel disconnected to the people I already know? I don't know if it's because I like/want attention, or what, but I've always felt this pull towards adventure, this feeling of wanting to always be doing something with someone. It's never satisfied, and it's always saturating. This always happens, of course, on nights when I can't do anything about it, like tonight. I feel like jumping out of my skin. What the hell is wrong with me? Technically this is my outlet for adventure this evening. I want to keep writing but I have nothing else to say.

This is what I'm searching for. These things, I may never find. I will not give up.
I will stop saying I cannot, as nothing is impossible. I believe this is true, yet I find myself saying I cannot do many things. It ends now.

Fear, Thine Meaning is Nigh

I have no idea if the title actually makes sense, but after looking at it for a while, could find no reason to change it. I have a job interview that I'm preparing for tomorrow. It involves reading one of THE driest texts ever written, "Fundamental Laboratroy Approaches for Biochemistry and Biotechnology". Even the title makes me want to scream. Lo, to all that want to discover the ways of affinity chromatography and ligand binding, purchase this text and be enlightened!

It dawned on me the other day that we all are, in some aspect, conservative. Actually it probably dawned around the time of Sediments, as I bitched about pop culture. Really, it's just me getting too damn old and not understanding the ways of girly 16 year-olds and trendy young boys. I'm set in my ways already, and things will keep changing to the point where I'll be telling stories about how the times were harder back then, etc.; we've all heard this regurgitated in some way before by someone else. Now I'm going to change the meaning of conservative to be that of political definition. I'm not quite sure that I'm liberal all the way. When it comes to crime and punishment, I'm all about the hangins'! Eye for an eye, is what I say. I know if it were this way everywhere in the US, some innocent people would die, but I think that it would effect the populous enough to lower the murder rate. That is, if it were widespread. It's effects aren't as meaningful when one can cross the border with their victim and do him/her in (I know this isn't the way it works). I'm going to stop here because I'm incompetent this morn and I feel that if I say anymore, it would be a loss for us all.

Organic Junction

This is a public service anouncement: remove yourself from the torture device that is wasting time, i.e. surfing web, watching tv, throw cell phone off building, etc., and enjoy the day! No, don't really throw away your phone, I'm just trying to get you outside! When I come across other people who write things like this, I always feel inspired to go out and enjoy the world. However, I'm stuck inside all day, so I'm living vicariously through you all. No one will read this today anyway, alas, because it is spring break, and no one is using computers, rendering this post completely worthless. It was fun wasting my time though!

In other news (man, that is so much fun to write!) my roommate was jumped last night (not much fun to write) by a group of people. Nothing was taken from him, but he was beaten up. I'm very upset about this. It is also the reason I am learning martial arts, specifically Tae Kwon Do (Purple stripe, I am)! People ask my why I drive my non-g/f home from work at night, and this is why. No one seems to think that this campus is unsafe. It's disheartening to know that the area around my own apartment complex is unsafe. I brought a pair of nanchakus to work with me for the long walk home at 11 tonight. My coworder GBC may be here, but I'm unsure if she has left for the break; we usually walk home together on these nights. She was a red belt in TKD, so we would make a formidable team to any pending violence mongers. Man, I'm so angry about this! I will bring them down!

I'll leave you saying that my break doesn't start until I'm done with a paper that is due tomorrow evening! Fun times! Fun and joyfullness to all those partaking in the collegiate "spring break" this week!

Happy 311 day (belated) to all of you!